Problems with Issues
by Omixgirl10
Summary: Christie likes her life the way it is - fairly normal and peaceful, but occasionally interesting. But all that changes when she's attacked by ten very dangerous, slightly deranged "problems". Possibility of OC x Akatsuki pairings.
1. Beginnings of Trouble

My name is Christie. My last name honestly doesn't really matter, since nobody ever uses it. But trust me, you're gonna be hearing my first name a lot, mostly being yelled with varying degrees of fury, panic, and/or excitement.

I'm twenty years old, short, and thin, with light brown skin, brown eyes, and dark brown hair (except for the purple streaks, forced upon me by my best friend Amanda, who you'll hear more about later). So a lot of smallness, and a lot of brown.

Since I doubt anyone wants to hear much more about what my life was like before the _problems_ appeared, I'll try to keep the rest of the exposition to a minimum and get straight to it.

I'm in college, along with the aforementioned best friend, Amanda. As the dorm rooms of our school are, frankly, tiny, we decided to, instead, rent an apartment and split the rent.

Now, we can get started. This mess started a little after the beginning of summer vacation. Amanda was off visiting relatives, leaving me to fend for myself until she got back.

The night that the conflict arose, I had been about to prepare dinner when I realized a slight problem: The only food in the house was a half-eaten slice of pizza and a bottle of mustard.

So, I had two options: Eat quite possibly the nastiest dinner possible, or go out late in the evening and walk to the grocery store by myself, with no protection but a bottle of pepper spray and some basic self-defense training – again, "courtesy" of Amanda. I chose the second option. I know, smart, right?

Amazingly, the trip to the store passed without incident. The real trouble began on my trip home, now with a grocery bag in tow.

It was pretty late by that time, and honestly, I was no longer comfortable with being out. I reached into my pocket, pulling out the small bottle of pepper spray, just in case. As you can deduce, I was already on edge when I heard the voice.

"Hello."

Under different circumstances, the word would have seemed friendly. But now, it was late at night. I was out by myself. And I sure as heck didn't recognize this voice.

I had no idea what to do, so I just decided to play it safe and pretend I _wasn't_ both suspicious and scared out of my wits. "Hello," I mumbled back, not sure the first speaker would hear me.

And suddenly he was right behind me and something sharp was pressed against my back. I froze, even holding my breath. _Well, _this_ day just took a turn for the suckier,_ I thought. At the same time, something was bothering me. _Hadn't he been farther away before?_ Nobody was that fast... right?

"Do you know what's going to happen next?" asked Creepo.

I gave a slight shake of my head, barely moving it.

"You are going to tell me where this is, and what you did to bring me here. Understand?"

_What is this guy talking about? How would I have a way to "bring him here"? _"Y-You're in Allenwood," I whispered. "I don't know how you got here, but-"

Suddenly, the pressure at my back increased. "Don't lie to me," he hissed. "I know it was you; there is no other possibility."

I gulped. _Looks like I'm out of options... _"Well, apparently..." I gradually began to press down on the button atop the bottle in my hand. Clearly noticing that I was doing something, the man behind me started to tense, expecting an attack – but not this kind: "There IS!" I spun around, pressing the button down, then I ran. Really fast.

From the brief glimpse I got of my attacker, he was not someone I wanted to encounter again. Spiky orange hair, more piercings than I cared to count, some weird black-and-red robe... The guy was probably in a gang or something; I was lucky he seemed to be alone.

But then, behind me, I heard him choke out, "Well, don't just stand there like idiots! _Get her!_"

_Idiots, plural? _Crap. This was just getting worse and worse, wasn't it.

Immediately, I saw a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye, and standing before me were... huh. Two people who honestly didn't look very threatening: A teenage boy with large, brown eyes, a thoroughly apathetic expression, and fluffy-looking red hair, and a young man (who I thought for a moment was a girl) with long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and possibly eyeliner.

I tensed, unsure of how much effort it would actually take to get around these two – I mean, they didn't exactly look like hardened criminals.

"This one doesn't look too tough, hm," commented the blonde. Then he pulled out a handful of what looked like clay and gave me one of the most smug, self-satisfied, and possibly insane smiles I'd ever seen.

I screamed, sprayed him in the face, and darted around him.

I almost thought I had escaped when I felt hand on my shoulder – an oddly hard, cold hand. I turned my head, shocked to see the teen from earlier, staring at me with icy brown eyes. "Not so fast," he said softly.

I spun around and stumbled backward, holding the bottle that had gotten me this far in front of me. _But I could have sworn I got him earlier..._ The boy made no move to grab me again, which was enough to tell me what I had begun to suspect: I was surrounded.

"Good job, Sasori," said the guy from earlier, still rubbing his eyes as he stepped toward me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the teenager – Sasori – give a slight nod.

The first attacker – apparently the leader of the group – turned to me. "As you can see, you cannot escape. So you would really be better off overall if you just explained what you've done."

"Uh... sure?" I replied, transfixed on his eyes – sort of a purple-gray color, no visible whites, with a series of rings that started at the pupil, almost like a ripple in water – only without, you know, movement.

He didn't seem too pleased about my staring. "_What. Did. You. Do._" he growled, sticking his face close to mine. I drew back instinctively, glancing around in search of escape routes. Behind me was Sasori. To my right was a tall, sharky-looking man, complete with gills and – although I'm not sure what this had to do with looking like a shark, it sure helped – blue skin. To my left was the only female I'd seen in this group – a beautiful woman with blue hair and bright, golden eyes. And, of course, there were various others scattered around in between them, blocking me off in all directions.

After a few seconds of me looking around and not answering, the leader stepped back with an exaggerated snort. "Kakuzu, make sure she doesn't escape," he commanded to a man behind him.

The man walked up to me, glaring down at me as if the possibility of my attempting to escape were creating a great inconvenience for him. I couldn't help whimpering a bit when I saw his eyes. Far scarier than his leader's, these were bright green, with no pupil, and red where there should have been white. "Turn around," he commanded in a deep, growly voice. I did so, not wanting to know what would happen to me if I didn't obey him.

Then I felt some sort of... I don't know, snake or something, but whatever it was, it was wrapping itself tightly around my wrists, forcing them together. Behind my back, I felt the pepper spray bottle pulled from my hand. _Well there goes my primary means of self-defense._

"Sit down," ordered Kakuzu, using one surprisingly strong hand to maneuver me to a spot a few feet away and push me to the ground.

I was turned toward the whole group now – and this was not a _small_ group. There must have been ten people (well, I can't be sure about the "people" part for a few of them), all murmuring to each other, glancing at me every once in awhile.

Before long, a man wearing a bright orange mask – and the only one not wearing one of those weird robes; instead he had a completely black outfit, save for a green scarf, and, of course, the mask – skipped (I swear, he actually _skipped_) over to me. "Who are you?" he asked cheerfully.

I stared at him, unsure I was actually hearing this. "Uuh... Christie?" I mumbled, not sure what harm my first name could do.

A lot, apparently. "YAY! Christie-san has a very good name!" cheered the man, attempting to hug me.

I did my best to avoid this attempt, hearing the leader's voice calling, "Tobi, stop hugging the enemy." Now there was something I thought I would never hear.

"What's the big deal about this chick, anyway?" questioned one of the weirdos, a man about my age with slicked-back silver hair and his cloak mostly open.

The leader sighed with frustration. "Of course, you'd be too dense to notice it," he grumbled. The silver-head started to object, but seemed to think better of it when the leader shot him a glare. "When we went through the portal," he continued, "Didn't you feel the unusual energy that seemed to surround us?"

"Uh... I guess," the man replied. "But what does that have to do with the girl?"

The leader ran a hand through his orange hair. "What it has to do with her," he said through clenched teeth, "Is that everyone – unless, of course, this is not the case with you – agrees that they get the same feeling from her."

"Seriously? So you think _she's_ the one who brought us here?" asked the silver-haired man, looking as incredulous as I felt. He walked up to me crouching down so that we were at the same eye level. "Doesn't that seem, I dunno, a bit far-fetched?"

As he spoke, he waved one hand at me, which for some reason really pissed me off. Although this may not have been wise, I leaned forward and bit his hand.

"OW! WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT FOR!" he screamed, pulling away and leaping back. He examined his hand, shooting me a sharp glare. "This b***h has issues, but I sure as hell don't see what she could have to do with this."

Finally, I got up the courage to speak. "That's because I _don't _have anything to do with this!" I insisted. "I have no clue who you are, or what's going on, or-or why you all look like freaks, or what's going on here! I don't-"

"Someone shut her up," growled the leader.

Kakuzu – I was really beginning to get sick of seeing this guy – held out one hand. At which point I saw what was holding my wrists together. A black... thread-tentacle-thing was snaking out of a slit on his wrist. I stared at it, trying to figure out what it _was_, until I realized that that thing was about to be wrapped around my _mouth_.

"W-Wait!" I gasped, trying to get my face as far away from the thread as I could. "Don't you have... I dunno, a bandana or something? 'Cuz there is no way that thing is going anywhere near my mouth!"

I guess that, at this point, the leader just wanted me to shut up, because he agreed to use a bandage instead of the weird thread. And so I sat on the ground, bound and gagged, with a bunch of weirdos probably plotting my demise, and I was satisfied because I didn't have a mouthful of probably-slimy black threads. Pretty pathetic, I know.

"I say we kill her," announced the silver-head.

"Of course you do," sighed Kakuzu. "Because that's what you always say. I say we sell her. Or make her work for us for free."

The shark-man laughed. "And you're saying that Hidan always says the same thing," he commented.

"We are not going to kill her _or _sell her," proclaimed the leader. "At least, not until we figure out what she has to do with all this."

For what I think was the first time since this started, the woman spoke up. "Regardless of what she says, there's a good chance that this is her doing; she may well be deceiving us."

Watching all this, for the first time, I fully realized the situation I was in. I was completely helpless. I was tied up, my only means of self-defense was gone, I couldn't scream for help, and even if I could, even if someone heard me, these people would probably kill me before anyone could do anything.

I struggled against the threads around my wrists for a moment, hoping that maybe, somehow, they would loosen enough for me to free myself. Of course, they didn't. I settled back against the wall of the alleyway, completely out of options. There was a burning, prickling feeling in my nose and eyes, which, as I wasn't really concentrating on it, I didn't identify until the masked man – Tobi – spoke up.

"Uh... is Christie-san crying?"

It felt like a scene from a movie. With those words, every head turned toward me, showing expressions ranging from surprise to irritation to flat-out not-giving-a-crap.

_Oh no. No freakin' way. Not here, not now, NO!_ I squirmed against the wall, trying to will myself to stop crying – which, believe me, is not an easy thing to do. The thing is, I don't actually cry all that much – but when I do, it tends to be at rather inopportune moments.

Then the silver-haired idiot – Hidan – started _laughing_. I glared at him as threateningly as I could, which wasn't very.

"See, _this_ is what I was saying," he exclaimed. "What kind of shinobi mastermind starts f**king _crying_ out of nowhere?"

One of the more _"unusual"_ members – some guy with green hair, black-and-white skin, and a giant flytrap around his head – apparently thought otherwise. "**It could be an act,**" he suggested. Then, in a different voice for some reason: "Yeah, it's not like nobody can cry on purpose." (Seriously, who makes a practice of agreeing with himself? 'Course, I guess it's not as bad as if he disagreed with himself...)

"I don't think so," replied a man who I somehow hadn't noticed before. Come to think of it, he seemed like the kind of guy who's unnoticeable at first but, once you see him, is impossible to take your eyes off of. He was somehow pretty without looking girly, with long black hair and bright red eyes.

"What would showing weakness get her at this point?" he pointed out. "This might get her killed." _Oh God, I hope not, _I thought.

The leader thought about it for a moment. "What reason would she have for lying about bringing us here? For that matter, why would she want to? On one hand, that feeling couldn't be mistaken; she has to do with this, somehow. But she may not know it..."

There were so many things I would have said about now if I could. Like, say, _Well apparently, no, I don't know. _Or _I don't know who you are or where you're from, and I don't know why you're here either. _Or maybe I'd just go with _Please don't kill me._

After a moment, the leader spoke again. "For now, we might as well give her the benefit of the doubt."

I would've sighed with relief, if I wasn't sure there was going to be more to this. Turns out, I was right to be worried.

"However," he continued, "We still have a problem. We don't know where we are, we have no reputation here, and our abilities seem to be at least somewhat weakened. So it looks like we have only one option for what to do." To my horror, he turned to me, and asked, "Where do you live?"

Momentarily forgetting that I was currently gagged, I tried to object, which ended up coming out as some sort of muffled, somewhat strangled-sounding scream. The leader, apparently realizing that I couldn't answer him if I couldn't talk, pulled down the gag that covered my mouth. I shuddered as his hand brushed against my face – his skin was cold, like a corpse's.

"Why the hell would you need to know where I _live_?" I demanded, a bit too loudly. The leader shot me a warning glare, and I quieted down quickly. "That doesn't seem like necessary information-"

"No, I suppose it's not," he replied, interrupting me. "We'll just have you take us there instead."

I could only gape at him as I realized what he was saying. "You... you can't _stay _there! I mean, I live in an _apartment_! For _two people!_ How many of there are you?"

"We don't have a choice," he snapped – clearly, he was starting to run out of patience. "We have no idea where we are. And, since you've seen us here, we need to keep an eye on you anyway."

Rather than wondering what he thought I could do _without _them in my house that I couldn't _with _them, I gave my final argument: "I don't even know who you people _are_."

The leader, who had turned away to talk to one of the others, turned back to me. "We are Akatsuki," he said. Clearly, that was all the information I was getting.

So there's the first chapter! Reviews would be very appreciated!


	2. The Next Day

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Reviews make me explode. But in a good way.

By the way, a link to an illustration I made of Christie is now available on my profile.

Now, on with the story!

I hesitated in front of the door, holding my keys in one hand and glancing over my shoulder. Standing behind me, taking up a good portion of the walkway, were ten possibly insane, definitely dangerous criminals. And here I was, about to let them into my apartment. The things I'll do to avoid being killed horrifically.

I turned to face the group – the Akatsuki, they called themselves – to make sure to get one important point across before we went in. "Okay, guys – and, um, girl – just so you know, this apartment is only really made for two people. There are only two beds in here – one is mine, and the other is my roommate's. She's not here right now, but that doesn't mean I'm letting a complete stranger sleep in her bed. And other than that, there's just a cot, the couch, and _my_ bed, and I'm not sharing."

"Why not?" demanded one particularly obnoxious member – Hidan, the obligatory rude, foul-mouthed lunatic.

For a few seconds, everyone just stared at him, waiting to see how long it would take him to figure out that he apparently needed to _ask_ why a young woman wouldn't want to share her bed with any of a bunch of messed-up criminals.

After a moment, realization appeared on his face, but was quickly replaced by a scowl. "Okay, you guys need to get your heads out of the f*cking gutter, seriously. Anyway, can't she just sleep on the floor?" he said quickly, trying to cover for his awkward comment.

I scowled at him. I was starting to dislike this guy more and more. "It's _my _apartment. Without me, you guys would be homeless, jobless, and, I assume, broke."

"And what's stopping us from just killing you, feeding you to Zetsu, and _taking _your sh*tty apartment?" he countered.

Before I could entirely process what he had just _said_, the leader – who, by the way, they only ever referred to as "Leader" or "Leader-sama" - spoke up. "We are _not_ killing her, Hidan. To the best of our knowledge, this girl is not our enemy. And, as she has been sufficiently compliant in providing us with housing so far, we have no reason to kill her."

Hidan turned away, pouting, but didn't argue. I'd noticed in my short time around these people that nobody really argued with Leader.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. I pushed it open, stepping inside before I let the others in – just in case they tried to lock me out or something.

We stood there, crowded together in the small living room, which, by the way, was never meant to accommodate eleven people at once – especially when one of them insisted on running around and examining everything in the room.

"So," I said, breaking the silence. "This is it. So... uh... try not to break anything or kill anyone." _Assuming you're capable of that, _I thought.

The first thing everyone did was, of course, to strip off their cloaks and, in most cases, drop them on the floor – except, of course, for Tobi, who wasn't wearing a cloak to begin with, Leader and Konan, who I guess were just too dignified or something, and the plant-guy, Zetsu, who... okay, I don't know, but he didn't.

I was just about to complain when I noticed a few things. For one, Hidan was not wearing a shirt, which I kind of already knew, and neither was the shark-man. This shouldn't have been much of a problem, but, for some _odd_ reason, I wasn't entirely comfortable with having two shirtless – and, apparently, quite fit – men standing around in my apartment. But I quickly noticed something much more disturbing. Sasori, too, was shirtless. But this was worrying for a completely different reason.

For a few seconds, I stared, open-mouthed, at Sasori. "You – _joints? _What... panels! The _hell?_" I would have liked to be a bit more eloquent than that, but frankly, it's hard to be dignified when you're looking at a teenage boy who appears to actually be... some sort of _doll_ or something.

Sasori gave me the same unimpressed, vaguely bored expression as always, hanging up his cloak on the coat rack (his neatness is the one thing I like about Sasori). "That's what everybody says," he replied. I got no explanation.

I turned away, trying not to stare at Sasori, to address Leader. Honestly, I didn't have a very high opinion of the guy by this time, but hey, he was in charge. "So, would you mind... uh... trying to keep them in line for me?"

I guess he was still mad about the pepper spray incident, but you know what, I was mad about the assault and hostage-taking incident, so that made us even. Anyway, he just glared at me stonily for an uncomfortably long time. I stared back, trying to resist the urge to look away. Around us, the others ran around, yelled, swore, and were pretty much as obnoxious as possible – except for those who were just standing there unhelpfully.

"Uh... okay... I'll just... bye." I turned away and hurried off to the door leading to my closet of a bedroom. As I left, I could almost feel Leader trying to stare a hole in my back. _Creepy_.

So went my first encounter with the Akatsuki. I guess it could have been worse, but I assure you, sleeping was not an easy task that night – I felt certain I was going to be killed in my sleep. Luckily, I wasn't, but the next day brought its own problems.

_Breep! Breep! Bree-_

I groaned, slapping the "off" button on my alarm clock. You would think that I would've remembered to deactivate the alarm completely, this far into summer, but nooo...

For a moment, I could just lie there and pretend that this was a normal summer day – I would get up when I felt like it, spend the day doing whatever I felt like, and it would all be nice and normal and relaxing.

And then I had to remind myself that my apartment was full of psychopaths – not to mention, I hadn't had dinner last night; another reason I had to get up. Great start to the day.

I dragged myself out of bed, starting to head out toward the kitchen. In my still-half-asleep state, I barely avoided tripping over the sprawled form of Tobi, who had apparently decided he should sleep in the doorway, presumably for convenience purposes.

Having successfully prevented myself from falling on my face, I took a quick look around the room. Everyone except Konan and Leader, who had taken the cot and the couch, respectively, was lying on the floor somewhere – except Zetsu, who was nowhere to be seen, and Sasori, who was sitting up against the wall, arms crossed, staring at me in boredom.

"Uh... hey. How long have you been up?" I asked, in a pathetic attempt to make conversation.

"I never went to sleep," he responded. I should've known better by now than to expect a full answer from this guy. Every monotonic, begrudging answer just introduced a new question...

I trudged into the tiny area we called a kitchen, peering into the fridge, glad I had remembered to put the groceries away – granted, I had only remembered at about midnight, but still.

After a moment, I remembered something very important: I wasn't the only person here. There were currently a total of eleven people in this apartment, and chances were, they would need to eat. After a moment, I pulled down one of the ancient cookbooks that my mom had made me bring, and that I had never even touched until now.

I had only been working for a few minutes when I heard footsteps coming toward the kitchen. In a moment, I saw something large and blue out of the corner of my eye.

I really did not want to deal with any of these people right now. "What do you want."

"Nothing. Just wondering what you're doing," replied the shark-man.

_I'm cooking so as to make it possible to actually feed all your fat asses, _I thought. "Making pancakes," was what I actually said.

"Really?" To my great dismay, instead of leaving to go harass someone else, he leaned over and examined the recipe in front of me, then the ingredients on the counter, then the recipe again – this time with a combination of disapproval and doubt.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. "WHAT?" I demanded, turning to face him.

"Well, for one thing..." he leaned over again and grabbed a box off the counter. "This recipe needs baking powder. This is baking _soda_. There _is _a difference, you know."

"Wha-" Before I could voice my discontent any further, he reached out and picked up the measuring cup that I had been using for milk.

"And this isn't for liquids," he continued. "You need a measuring pitcher for that. Oh, and you should probably-"

"How do you even _know_ all this?" I demanded.

He shrugged, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Having to cook for a bunch of really picky criminals on a regular basis kind of forces you to pick up a few things."

I turned away huffily. "Well, if you know so much about cooking, why don't _you_ make the pancakes?" I snapped.

"Sure." Just as I started to head off, he added, "Name's Kisame, by the way."

I paused, glancing back at him. "Uh... Christie," I replied, not sure if he had already heard my name, but it was the best reply I could think of.

Walking out of the kitchen, I almost bumped into Tobi – who was, of course, way too happy for having just gotten up. "Morning, Christie-san!"

"Uh... yeah, it is," I replied, trying to edge around him.

"Oh, is Kisame-san cooking?" he asked, moving into my way again. "He's really good at it! Wait 'till you taste his food, Christie-san!"

"Yes, I'm... sure it's great," I muttered, starting to lose patience with him.

My chance for escape came from an unexpected source. "Hey, Tobi, get over here!" snapped the girly blonde who I had pepper-sprayed the night before. Unsurprisingly, he was not coming to my rescue _intentionally. _The moment Tobi was in front of him, he launched into some lecture about not "fraternizing with the enemy" or something. I couldn't help wondering why it was that I was "the enemy" now; _I_ was the one being forced to keep _them _in my house, and I didn't even know what was going on here.

I hurried through the doorway and headed for the first thing I needed to deal with today: The phone.

I picked it up and started dialing the first number of the day. As I did so, Hidan chose that moment to come over and harass me. I guess they were taking turns.

"Hey, where's the bathroom in this sh*thole?" he demanded.

I suppressed a snort of laughter at the irony of his statement. "It's right down the hall. As if you couldn't figure that out yourself."

He glowered at me in response. "Well aren't we bold today," he snapped.

"It's easier when I'm in my own house," I responded. "Don't you have anyone else to annoy?"

He finally left at that. However, as he walked away he threw a casual, "And you can do everyone a favor by putting on some clothes," over his shoulder.

That was when I realized that I had spent the whole morning walking around in my pajamas – which weren't real pajamas so much as a spaghetti-strap top and some _very _short shorts. Which was perfectly fine when the only other person in the house was my (female!) roommate, but became a rather awkward habit when I was constantly surrounded by _men._

I hated my life for a moment there.

Either way, now was not the time to be worrying about appearances. _Let's see... it's Tuesday, so first order of business..._

Almost as soon as the phone started ringing, it was picked up. "Hello, this is Metro Subs, how may I help you?"

"Hey, Max, it's Christie," I replied.

Immediately, my manager's formally affable "professional" tone became more familiar. "Oh, hey, Christie, what's going on?"

I bit my lip and glanced over my shoulder. There were some worrying noises coming from the kitchen; I better hurry this up. "Uh... I don't think I'm going to be able to come to work today..."

I could easily picture Max running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "And why would that be, Christie?"

"Well, I've got some... guests right now, and I'm not sure I'm willing to leave them alone in my apartment. They have, uh..." Just then I heard a shout, and Tobi ran by, chased closely by Deidara, while Sasori watched calmly. Suddenly, I had the perfect reason.

"They've got some children, and I'm not really sure I trust them on their own."

"Oh." My manager's tone instantly became slightly cautious – and very understanding. "That... that's a pretty good reason."

You see, Maxwell Alders was notoriously (among the employees of the sandwich shop I worked at, anyway) cautious of children. Having grown up with three younger siblings and a whole slew of younger cousins, all rather rambunctious, had planted in him an instinctual... _paranoia_ regarding kids.

Although he mostly kept it under control, those who knew him could generally recognize the way he flinched whenever a small child walked into Metro. It wasn't that he disliked children, he was just constantly afraid that they would do something horrible and irreparable.

So as you can see, he saw "kids in my apartment" as a perfectly valid reason not to go to work.

I hung up the phone, sighing with relief. Sometimes, the way that guy acted, it was hard to believe he was only five years older than me...

After a moment of thought, I thought of one more call I needed to make.

_Dee-dee-doo! Dee-dee-doo!_

Amanda frowned slightly and pulled her cellphone out of her pocket, checking the caller ID on the screen. _What on Earth would Christie be calling about?_

"Hey, sorry, I gotta take this; it's my roommate," she said, smiling apologetically at her family and stepping aside. "Hello?"

_"AMANDA GET BACK HERE NOW."_

"Uuhh... why?"

_"Look..." _Christie paused for a moment on the other end, as if trying to think of how to phrase her next comment. _"I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm being held captive – sort of, anyway – and our apartment is being inhabited by a bunch of super-screwed-up criminals."_

"Wh-what? Are you okay? And what do you mean 'sort of'?" Amanda demanded, staring at shock at her phone. Normally, she would assume this was a joke. But Christie wouldn't joke about stuff like this.

_"It's... really complicated. But I'm okay, just... weirded out. A lot. And you need to get over here _now_."_

Now Amanda just wasn't sure _what _to think. "Um... alright. I guess... look, I'll try and get over as soon as I can, okay? I should be over in a couple of days."

_"Just hurry, okay?" _And with that, Christie hung up. Although before she could, Amanda heard her yell something along the lines of _"shut up over there, you freaking psychos!"_ And the extra exclamation points were definitely implied.

Amanda just stared at the phone for a moment, then shook her head and walked back to the group. _At least the weirdest phone call today._

I hung up the phone with a sigh of relief. _Okay, work cancelled, roommate summoned... maybe this day won't be so bad after all._

You'd think I would actually learn something once in awhile, huh?

So what do you think? Reviews are very much appreciated!


	3. Pancakes and TShirts

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Akatsuki.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was... mostly uneventful. Yes, it is true that Deidara tried to squirt syrup into Tobi's eye, the red-eyed guy tried to eat, like, fifteen pancakes ("He needs a lot of calories", according to Kisame), Zetsu never showed up, and Sasori just sat on the couch in silence, never eating anything (I knew better than to ask at this point), but it was less than I'd come to expect from these guys.<p>

After a few minutes, I decided to try and talk to them, as stupid a move as it was. "So... uh... where's Zetsu?" I asked.

Hidan didn't look up from his pancakes (which he seemed determined to spill all over my couch... slob.). "Dunno," he replied. "He just kinda disappears sometimes."

"Probably getting his own breakfast," added Kisame, apparently finding something funny about this.

I gave him a wary look and then glanced at Leader and Konan. Neither of them had eaten yet; they just stood off to the side, whispering urgently about something. It appeared that Leader was kind of agitated about something, and Konan was trying to calm him down.

"So... what's that all about?" I gestured toward the pair. "What are they talking about?"

Deidara, who had been one of the few to get to the table in time to get a spot there (along with Red-eyes, Tobi, and myself), answered. "How should we know, hm? They always do stuff like this; not telling us stuff seems to be a specialty of theirs."

"I know what they're talking about," Tobi piped up cheerfully.

"How?" Kisame wondered, looking with curiosity at the masked man.

"It's simple; I think Leader-sama and Konan-san probably like each other a lot, so if they're saying stuff they don't want us to hear, they must be talking about-"

"HELL NO. Tobi, nobody needs to hear that sh*t," interrupted Hidan, wrinkling his nose in disgust. I had to agree with him here.

I glanced over at Konan and Leader again. They seemed to be done talking, but Leader still looked... I don't know. Worried? Angry? He definitely wasn't pleased.

Meanwhile, the conversation had shifted away from the strange pair's secrets. "So, what I'm wondering is," Kisame was saying, "besides what Christie-san has to do with all this, besides why we're here, how are we getting back?"

"Yeah, I'd think we should be more concerned about that, hm," agreed Deidara.

Sasori piped up at this point. "If you ask me, our leader is far too concerned with the cause. If we don't find a way out of this place soon, there's no telling what could happen."

Deidara blinked in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

Sasori crossed his arms and leaned back against the couch. "We don't know where we are or how we got here," he explained. "As far as we can tell, this is a world completely different from our own. We have no idea how to live here. And you, of all people, know what some of our members are like – there could be no end of trouble if one of us were to snap. This can't end well at all."

I listened to this whole thing with keen interest. What did he mean about this being a world "completely different" from their own? Where were these guys from, anyway? Although the "not ending well" part was certainly true.

"Well, this whole heavy-thought-fest has certainly been amusing, but I'm leaving, if ya don't mind," announced Hidan, standing up and leaving his plate on the couch. "See ya, b*tches."

"Hey, get your freakin' plate!" I called to him as he walked off to who-knows-where. He flipped me the bird in reply. Then something else occurred to me.

"And _stay in the house!"_ I added, jumping up and grabbing his shoulder. He shook me off, glaring at me.

"I can do whatever the hell I want, b*tch," he snapped. "I'll leave if I want."

"But... but you _can't!_"

He actually seemed to find this comment amusing. "Yeah, and why the f*ck can't I? Who's stopping me?" he sneered as he turned toward the hallway.

I was still trying to think of a good retort when I heard Leader's voice behind me. "For now? I am."

Hidan jumped and spun around to face his leader. "Wait a second, why the hell _not? _What are we supposed to do, just stay in here _forever?_"

Leader regarded at him coolly, stating his answer matter-of-factly. "Because it's not safe. We know very little about this world, and chances are, you would stand out quite a lot. We must all stay here until we know enough to blend in."

Despite being very glad he had stepped in, I pouted slightly and stared at the floor, embarassed and frustrated that I could barely form a coherent reason to keep Hidan inside, and yet Mr. Creeper could calmly and convincingly make leaving the apartment sound like the worst thing in the world.

Grumbling, Hidan turned and stalked toward the couch, slumping down next to Sasori and starting to fiddle with the remote.

I walked back to the table, finishing my pancakes (which, though I would never admit this to Kisame, were actually pretty good), and then taking a moment to look around and confirm the locations of each of the Akatsuki members.

Leader and Konan were standing silently by the door, presumably to prevent the others from leaving. Sasori, Kisame, and Hidan were on the couch, Kisame and Hidan arguing over which channel looked the most interesting. Red-Eyes (what was that guy's name, anyway?) was watching in silence as Deidara tried to strangle Tobi for the third time that morning. Kakuzu was standing against a wall, reading the newspaper, and Zetsu, who had apparently returned, was standing in the corner... talking to himself. The hell.

At that moment, I realized that keeping the Akatsuki in here all the time may not be all that great an idea. After all, eleven people would not fit well into one apartment, especially if none of them could leave (What, you didn't think I would leave these psychos on their own, did you?). Either they'd need somewhere else to stay, or I'd need to find a way to get them (safely!) out of the house. Preferably both.

I sighed and stood up to go wash my plate. _Guess I'd better start working on that._

"Uh... so, do you think this would fit Kisame, or do we need a bigger size?"

Konan examined the shirt, then shook her head. "It's too small."

I sighed and put the t-shirt back on the rack, then moved on to the next size up. Eventually, I had come to the conclusion that the first step would be getting them some more... _normal _clothes. And, since I had no clue what sizes each of them wore, I would have to bring one of them along – after all, even if she didn't know all of them especially well, Konan knew the guys better than I did. Plus, it would have to be Konan; I obviously didn't have any men's clothes in the house, so Konan borrowed some of Amanda's (we didn't need to check to know that mine would never fit her).

"What about this one?" I held up a new shirt, this one bigger than the last.

Konan nodded. "That should work," she agreed.

I placed it on the growing pile in the shopping cart and moved on. Normally, EveryMarket was not an ideal clothing store, but affording one outfit each for ten people wasn't easy for a part-time sandwich shop employee. Even if I had a bit of money saved up, I really didn't want to end up spending hundreds of dollars on actual, _brand-name _clothes. So generic t-shirts and jeans it was.

I had started looking through a selection of jeans when it occurred to me to ask something I had been wondering about. "Hey, Konan?" I asked. "What's that red-eyed guy's name, anyway?"

"That's Itachi," Konan replied. "I take it he hasn't mentioned it?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Actually, I don't think I've heard him say more than a couple sentences this whole time..."

"That's not surprising; he's not very talkative."

"Come to think of it, I haven't heard you say much before now, either," I noted tentatively.

She snorted slightly, her expression the closest thing to "irritated" that I had ever seen on her face. "I don't really feel the need to talk much. Besides, I don't really get the chance around _those _guys."

I nodded; that certainly made sense. At which point a third question occurred to me.

"How do you put up with them, anyway?"

Konan almost smirked. "Partly from lots of practice," she answered. "Partly because most of them generally try to stay out of my way – and with good reason."

At that moment, I decided to do my absolute best _never_ to end up on Konan's bad side.

"So, you said you had a roommate?" Konan asked.

Although I was taken slightly by surprise by the sudden change of topic, I nodded. "Yeah. She's on a trip right now, but she should be here in a couple of days."

"What's she like?" I cocked my head slightly, and Konan elaborated. "Do you think she could help keep the others under control?"

I thought for a moment. "Maybe," I replied. "She can be kind of... forceful when she wants to be. But I thought that Leader guy had that covered."

"Mostly, yes," Konan agreed. "But we don't know much about this place; drawing too much attention is a constant danger."

_I can certainly see what she means... _Suddenly, I remembered the mysterious conversation between Leader and Konan. I was wondering whether I should ask about it when I realized that, having been checking sizes and prices on jeans as we talked, we now had enough clothes for exactly ten apartment-invading criminals.

"Looks like we're ready to go," noted Konan.

"Yeah, let's get going," I replied.

To be honest, hearing and paying the total price for all these t-shirts and jeans (their shoes weren't too weird, I guess, and I assumed they were wearing underwear. That is, they _better _have been wearing underwear) was almost painful. But desperate times call for desperate measures – or something like that – and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But that by no means meant that I was planning to let them out on their own anytime soon.

On the way home, I was again entertained by the results of a fact that I had discovered on the way to the store: Wherever these people were from, they apparently didn't have cars. I stifled a grin as, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Konan staring out the window at the passing vehicles, opening and closing the window, and fiddling with the seat belt.

On the initial trip, she had seemed a bit embarassed when she noticed me watching her in amusement. After explaining her fascination, and being assured that I could understand her interest, she seemed much more comfortable examining the workings of my car – although I occasionally had to draw the line when she started to mess with something potentially dangerous. Seeing how Konan reacted to the apparent wonders of cars, I would have to keep in mind not to let any of the others near mine for quite a while.

I frowned slightly at this new addition to my ever-growing list of things not to let the Akatsuki do. At this rate, I wouldn't be able to let any of them out of my sight. Speaking of which...

I pulled into the parking lot outside my apartment complex, and Konan and I each took some of the bags from the trunk and headed inside. I looked around carefully; everybody seemed to be there, and I didn't see any gaping wounds or massive property damage. I sighed with relief and dropped my bags on the floor.

"Alright, guys, here ya go. Cheap t-shirts and jeans for all. Don't think this means you get to leave anytime soon," I announced. "And... I guess I'll just leave it up to you to work out what goes to who."

I hurried to my room, hoping to get a few minutes of reading in before another problem arose – I hadn't gotten much free time the past couple days, and any chance I could get to make progress in the novel I had been reading was welcome.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the presence of the Akatsuki occupied even my time away from them. Rather than reading, I found myself staring at the ceiling, thinking about them. Where were they from? Why on Earth would they think I had something to do with this? What was that "energy" that they had been talking about when they first showed up?

Most importantly, who _were_ the Akatsuki? They claimed to be feared criminals, but I had never heard of them – I would probably remember if I had. Their clothes were weird, but not foreign in any way that I recognized. They didn't know what cars were, or planes, and they used all these weird terms that I had either never heard, or that, like the words they kept sticking onto the ends of people's names, sounded vaguely familiar – but I didn't know where I had heard them.

And there was more than that; there were things about them that I simply couldn't think of any explanation for. Why did Sasori seem to have an artificial body? What was up with Itachi and Leader's eyes? What _was_ Zetsu, anyway? Why was Kisame _blue?_

I had started to form possible answers for some of these questions – some of which involved aliens – when I heard a knock on the door.

I sat up on my bed. "Come in?" It came out sounding like a question. Not many of the Akatsuki would be polite enough to knock.

The door swung open, revealing Red Ey- I mean Itachi – standing in the doorway. "We have a few... questions about the clothing you selected," he informed me in a monotone.

_Of course you do. _"Okay, like what?" I asked, standing up.

Itachi held up the t-shirt in his hand and pointed at it, raising one thin, black eyebrow. The shirt was black with the words _This shirt is now 20% cooler_ printed on it in blue. Below it was a picture of a very stylized, very blue winged horse with a rainbow mane and tail.

I blinked, then my face warmed slightly as I realized that I hadn't really been taking pictures into account when I was choosing outfits. "Oh, that's... uh... That's a character from this TV show that's gotten really popular lately. It's... actually got a lot of adult fans, so I guess that's why that shirt even exists in that size."

I nervously averted my eyes; having his now-black (don't ask me why) eyes staring steadily at me, with no trace of emotion, as I awkwardly explained the picture, was starting to make me uncomfortable. "You'd think I would recognize the picture, since my roommate keeps trying to get me to watch it and all..."

After a moment of awkward silence, Itachi turned and walked from the room.

"Okay..." I muttered. "I take it that means you were happy with the answer...?"

_Or not. I really have no idea... _I sighed and shook my head, heading into the hallway, prepared to explain any more strange pictures. _If only Amanda were here, I wouldn't be left explaining stuff like this._

* * *

><p>AN: Not entirely happy with the ending here, but it seems acceptable (to me, anyway). Any suggestions to fix it?

Originally, Amanda was going to enter the story in this chapter, but it got too long. The MLP: FiM reference was originally joked about by my sister, then I decided to add it in. And yes, Amanda does watch it. And no, Christie does not know any Japanese whatsoever, including honorifics. Which is why she not only doesn't use them, but doesn't understand why the Akatsuki do use them.

So yeah. As usual, read and review; reviews are the best things ever!


	4. Amanda's Entrance

**A/N: About time this got here! Anyway, thank you to everyone who reviewed! Let's get going!**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Akatsuki.

* * *

><p>On the third day of the Akatsuki's "imprisonment", as Hidan put it, in my apartment, I got a phone call. Not just any phone call – no, this was the one phone call that would save me from the massive stress of dealing with ten criminals on my own. It was only seven words long, but those seven words were all I needed to hear.<p>

"Hey, it's Amanda! I'm at the airport!"

By the time I had reached the phone, she had hung up, but it didn't really matter. I had all the information I needed, and I planned to use it immediately.

I hurried to the door, grabbing my purse off the table as I went. "Konan!" The blue-haired woman looked up from the magazine she was reading as I walked past. "Since you already are anyway, I probably don't need to tell you that you and Leader are in charge while I'm gone."

"_Gone?"_ Tobi leapt at me, seemingly out of nowhere, to grab my shoulders, putting his face (well, his mask, actually) uncomfortably close to mine. "Where are you going? Can I come? How long will it take?"

I shoved him away, continuing my journey to the door. "To the airport, no, and about an hour. Now would you just let me-"

"Airport? What the f*ck is that?" Hidan demanded, sticking his head out of the kitchen, where he seemed to be making a sandwich out of the entire contents of the refrigerator (possibly including the fridge itself).

I rolled my eyes in exasperation – partly at him, partly at myself for forgetting that these people had never heard of half the things I used every day. "It's a place where people go to go somewhere far away," I answered. "And if you'll excuse me, I need to go there, NOW!"

I finally managed to escape, although it was close – I could already hear Kisame starting to ask why it would be so urgent. I sighed with relief, checking my purse to ensure that I had everything I might need. Of course, if I didn't, there was no way I was going back in there, but old precautions die hard.

I made my way to the complex's parking lot, sliding into my car. Normally, I wouldn't have to do this, but Amanda had somehow forgotten to refill her car's gas tank, leaving me to drive her to the airport, and now back. Not that I wasn't glad for any excuse to get out of the apartment these days...

I relaxed a bit, the low growl of the revving engine reminding me that I was, finally, away from the Akatsuki and their insanity.

The trip took about twenty minutes each way – plenty of time to calm down without my "guests" around to screw up my life. Of course, I was sure they were doing that exact thing back home – probably hunting down my most important possessions so as to be more efficient in their gradual destruction of my happiness. But you know what? At least they weren't here.

And with that, I was _very _lucky that none of them popped up from under the backseat or something.

Anyway, the state of almost-relaxation I managed during the trip (remember, kids, completely relaxing while driving is not safe) came to a stop when I reached the airport – also known as the "Loud-and-Crowded" capital of the city.

Luckily, it didn't take long to find Amanda by the exit – partly because she was kind of hard to miss. After all, a blonde-haired young woman, practically leaping up and down and waving her arms in the air, would be difficult _not _to notice. Especially when she was yelling my name. Loudly.

The moment I was within arm's length, she wrapped her arms around my neck – even reaching my shoulders would require her to bend down, considering the four-inch height difference between us.

"Oh my God, Christie, I can't believe you're here! I mean, when I called, I wasn't sure that you would come, 'cuz- Wait, how _are _you here? I thought they were holding you hostage or something and oh crap, I shouldn't have even called, what if they had... I don't know, it seems like a bad idea in retrospect, but anyway I-"

"AMANDA!" I finally broke through, having been trying for that whole word-spurt to get a word in edgewise. "As you can see, I'm fine. It's okay, and before you ask, no, I did _not _have to sneak out." _Not really, anyway._

"Really?" Amanda blinked in surprise, finally releasing my neck from her vice-like grip. "So... you're okay then? Wow." After taking a moment to let this new development sink in, she abruptly reached down and picked up her duffel bag, smiling cheerily. "Well, let's go then!"

I shook my head and followed her as she started toward the garage. _She doesn't even know where I parked._

"So, I was wondering..." she began. "What kind of psycho criminals let their landlady-slash-hostage go off on her own, with her car and purse, to an _airport, _no less?"

"I... I don't know." My brow furrowed slightly. "Come to think of it, it's pretty weird. I guess they just..." I fell silent, only able to think of one option other than "they're a bunch of brainless morons". _It won't matter if I try to run._

"Uh... hey, Christie? You were saying?"

I flinched slightly, realizing that I had been spacing out for the past several seconds – and that, if I didn't watch it, I would end up lost in this maze of a garage soon. _Grr._

"I... nothing." I shook my head. "They're probably just idiots. Actually, scratch that, they _are _idiots." Yes. That was my theory, and I was sticking to it.

"Hmm... yes, that would make sense." Amanda nodded sagely before allowing her expression to return to its usual state of smothering cheerfulness. "Hey, what are the idiots in question like, anyway?"

I grimaced, my grip on the strap of my purse tightening slightly. "Do NOT get me started."

Of course, Amanda did not have enough sense to leave the issue alone, and so, for what felt like about fifteen minutes (but was probably more like five; Amanda's attention span is not that great), I was mercilessly pummeled with all sorts of questions about my (now our) captors.

"How many are there? Have any of them been extra annoying? Are any of them nice-ish? How stupid _are _they, exactly?"

Finally, I gave up trying to ignore Amanda and informed her that she would find out soon enough, if she would just BE QUIET AND LET ME DRIVE. After that, although we didn't exactly spend the rest of the drive in silence, the conversation was at least less infuriating, focusing a bit more on Amanda's trip and how weird her family is (apparently it's hereditary).

The moment I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, Amanda started to unbuckle her seatbelt. By the time I was out of the car, she was halfway up the stairs to our apartment. _Damn, that girl's fast._

"Hey, wait up a second!" I ran up the stairs, stopping her just as she started to take out her key. She gave me a questioning glance, and I explained. "These guys... they don't know you, and I don't know how they'd react if you... yeah."

"Huh... alright, sure." Amanda shrugged and stood back, shifting the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

I pulled out my own key and slid it into the lock, bracing myself as I pushed the door open and tentatively called, "Hey, guys, I'm- _oof!_"

"Oof" was not originally what I'd meant to say, but it's hard to focus on eloquence when a man

six inches taller and about sixty pounds heavier than me is in the process of crashing into me at high speeds.

"Christie-san! You're back!" You guessed it – Tobi.

"Yes, Tobi. I'm _back. _Now would you please _get off!_" I wriggled out of his grip, pushing him away. I tried in vain to regain my composure, a difficult task, especially with Amanda laughing her butt off a few feet away.

"Very terrifying criminal you've got there, Chris," she snickered.

"Shut up," I muttered, dusting my sleeves off and trying to somehow force down the redness that I was sure was visible on my face.

Noticing Tobi's confused expression (well, confused-looking posture, anyway. Expressions are hard to recognize on him, with the mask and all), I sighed and turned to Amanda. "Amanda, this is Tobi. Tobi, this is my roommate, Amanda."

"Nice to meet you, Amanda-san!" Tobi announced cheerily, grabbing her hand and shaking it vigorously.

Amanda stifled another giggle. "Nice to meet you, too, Tobi," she replied, grinning.

Tobi bounced ahead, apparently eager to introduce Amanda to the rest of the group. She lagged behind slightly to talk to me.

"So... are they _all _like that?" she whispered to me.

I shook my head. "Far from it," I informed her. "Most of them are kind of jerks."

She grinned and glanced ahead at Tobi. "Christie, I think we've talked about your standards for what counts as 'kind of a jerk.'"

"And what's _wrong_ with having standards?"

"Nothing, it's just that yours are a bit too-" Suddenly she froze, staring ahead.

I looked around in confusion, before figuring out where she was focused. I eventually identified the source as being the couch, where Deidara and Hidan were in the middle of a heated debate about... I don't know, something about scythes versus clay, or something nonsensical like that. Itachi stood by calmly, apparently more focused on the book he was reading than on his arguing affiliates.

I turned to Amanda, trying to figure out what had caused her... interesting response to the guys. Maybe she had recognized them from a news report about an asylum escape? That seemed like the most likely option, actually.

My thought process was rudely shattered when Amanda pulled me aside, staring at me intensely with wide, blue eyes. I was just about to ask what this was all about when she told me, sounding more serious than I had heard her in quite a while.

"Christie," she said, "When you told me there were a bunch of criminals in our apartment, why didn't you tell me that some of them were _hot?_"

_What the hell? _For a moment, I could only stare at her, gaping like a fish (or some equally confused-looking animal). Finally, I gained my speaking abilities back.

"You.. I... they're _what?_" Okay, so I sort of got them back.

"What, you mean, you haven't _noticed?_" Amanda demanded, glancing excitedly back at the guys on the couch. "_Really, _Christie?"

"No, I haven't _noticed!_" For a moment, my mind shot back to that first night – the way I couldn't take my eyes off Itachi once I saw him, Kisame and Hidan standing around shirtlessly in the living room, even Deidara with his bright blue eyes and long, golden hair. _Shut up, mind._

"B-Besides," I stuttered, hoping the shadows in the corner of the room would hide the redness rising in my cheeks (second time in one day, yippee). "That wasn't _exactly _the first thing on my mind when they showed up."

Amanda sighed, pulling away. "I guess not," she replied.

"Besides," I added, "that's just three of them. You haven't seen Sharkboy and Zombieman yet."

My roommate laughed, walking toward the couch, and waving for me to follow. "Can't wait," she said. "Anyway, I think it's _your _job to introduce me now."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: About time Amanda showed up. Heh heh, Christie is in denial... Oh, by the way, there is a new illustration link in my profile; it's kind of old now, but I'm working on a newer one soon.**

**As usual, please read and review!**


	5. Introductions

**A/N: Sorry for long wait/short chapter, but I needed to get this done, considering how long I've been distracted from it...**

**I have been notified by another reader that there are a couple problems with this chapter, but I'm not sure how to fix them at this point. Rest assured, I will do my best to avoid these issues when it comes time to post the next chapter. This will probably involve reading every preexisting chapter thoroughly to regain my understanding of how this story works.**

**As usual, advice and suggestions welcome, trolls and flames unwelcome, I don't own anyone but Christie and Amanda.**

* * *

><p>"... and that would be just about every- Wait." I stopped for a moment, going over my mental list of all the Akatsuki members. "Hold on, I think we're missing a couple. Hey, Zetsu!"<p>

The plant-man (for once, he was actually there) looked up from the newspaper, where I think he was reading an article about bass fishing, as I demanded of him, "Where are Kisame and Leader?"

I had miraculously managed to find every single one of the others – the three on the couch (Amanda started freaking out when she saw Itachi's shirt, and vowed to introduce him to the show. I decided that I really should get the poor guy another shirt – one without any ponies on it), in addition to Tobi (although he technically found me). Konan at the table, folding various, ridiculously intricate animals out of whatever paper she could find, across from Zetsu with his fishing article (Amanda for some reason felt the need to poke his flytrap-thing and ask if it was real, eliciting a combination of irritation and confusion), along with Sasori, who spent most of the time we were there whittling away at a block of wood, answering Amanda's questions about the panels on his chest, the joints on his arms, and so on, with as few syllables as possible. He perked up a bit when she asked what he was making, but that was about it. And, finally, there was Kakuzu, who had taken it upon himself to go through the fridge and pantry and make a freakin' list of all the "superfluous" items in my kitchen.

With that over with, there were two people left, and not many places left for them to be. So, I figured that Zetsu, not seeming to be directly at odds with any of the members in particular, would be one of the most likely people to be told where someone was going at any given time. I had kind of expected that I wouldn't like the answer to my question. I was right.

"Well, last I saw, Leader-sama seemed to be heading for your room. **And Kisame went outside a few minutes ago.**"

Just this once, I didn't think to be bothered by the sudden voice change. By the time Zetsu finished his sentence, I was already sprinting toward my room.

I flung the door open, thoughts running through my head a mile a minute. _Of course. Of COURSE. I should have known better than to trust those bastards with anything – apparently, a few minutes of freedom is just too damn MUCH for them._

At the sound of the door banging against the wall, Leader didn't even flinch. He just looked up from the book he had been searching through – one that I recognized as one of my old journals – with not even the slightest hint of alarm or remorse in his ringed eyes.

I stormed forward, about to snatch the book from his hands, but he kind of ruined this plan by putting it down before I could grab it. "What do you think you're doing in here?"

He stared down at me coolly, and I felt as if I was almost shrinking under his gaze. "You insist that you have nothing to do with our presence here," he replied. "I was simply verifying that claim."

"That's-" I opened and closed my eyes, staring at him in shock. "You mean you still don't trust me? You still think this is _my _fault? Who do you think you are, you-"

"To answer your first question, no, not entirely. To answer your second, no, I have found no evidence that you are responsible for this. And I think I am exactly who I am. Now if you'll excuse me..." And with that he left, brushing past me as if I were some stranger who had rudely intruded on _his _privacy, rather than the other way around. It would be funny how often the Akatsuki did that, except that it totally wasn't.

I just stood there for a moment, eyes closed, trying with all my might not to just turn around and start screaming at him. It kind of worked, at least enough that by the time I gave up and was just about to blow up at him, he was gone.

I was, however, still fuming as I left the room. _What is _wrong _with that guy? _I thought, returning to the living room where Leader had already gone, and where Amanda was now very enthusiastically introducing herself. I noticed with some satisfaction that Leader looked vaguely perplexed, and like he was annoyed by the fact that he was perplexed.

"I'm going out to get Sharkboy," I announced, grabbing my keys off the table without pausing as I passed by. I slipped out the door with the distinct feeling that nobody had really noticed I was leaving. Good. Maybe, it they thought I was still there, they wouldn't act so insane. _Or not._

I practically sprinted down the steps, skipping the last one and already keeping an eye out for any suspicious, really tall, and/or _blue _persons. "Hey, Kisame!" I called. "Get your unnaturally-colored butt over here!" At least, I assumed it was unnaturally-colored. I really had no way of knowing and _oh God I needed to stop thinking about this. _Just for making me go through that train of thought, I decided that, when I found Kisame, I would ensure he regretted this _forever. _And if anybody had seen him, I would personally murder him.

"Kisame!"

No response.

"Hey, Sharkboy!"

Nothing.

"... Mister Fishy?" No, I don't know where that last one came from. Certainly from one of the deepest, darkest, most disturbed corners of my mind.

Anyway, it worked. Almost as soon as I finished uttering the mortifying name (the question being, for whom was it more mortifying), a familiarly deep, gravelly voice replied, "Okay, okay, I'm right here. Just please do us both a favor and never say those words again." Kisame stepped out from a small alcove a few yards ahead of me, his hands raised in submission.

I glared at him, stomping over to grab his wrist and drag him back to the apartment, if need be. "What are you doing out here? I thought I told you all to stay in the apartment, _all the time, _unless I _specifically _took one of you out for something. I swear, sometimes it feels like I'm babysitting a bunch of _kids _here! Did you know that I caught your ever-so-important _Leader _going through one of my _journals? _I mean, what is he, a twelve-year-old boy?"

Kisame was polite enough to wait through this mini-rant before replying, simply, "I'm out here because I needed to get out for a bit."

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. And what, pray tell, was so important that you just _had _to leave the apartment _right then?_"

"Personal space," he replied with a smirk. "I hate to tell you this, but that place is tiny. You couldn't fit five people in there comfortably, let alone twelve."

Unfortunately, he had a point. I bit my tongue to prevent any unneeded comebacks, forcing myself to calm down. Kisame watched impassively, although I'm sure I saw the slightest twitch of an eyebrow, betraying his surprise at what I was doing. I couldn't blame him; after all, _I _was surprised at what I was doing.

Finally, I managed to say, "Fine. Just... don't go out without permission again. I don't want anyone seeing you."

Kisame's grin returned, and he started back up the stairs to my apartment. "That must have been quite a strain for you, huh, Christie-san?"

I rolled my eyes and followed him. "You have no idea."

Back inside, I called Amanda over. "This is Kisame," I told her. "As you can see, he looks like a shark. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm done."

I walked down the hall back to my own room, checking first to ensure there were no weirdos under my bed or something, then flopped onto my bed, placed a pillow over my face, and wondered when the hell this would be over.


	6. Settling In

**A/N: **Another short chapter, but I think this one at least came out better than the last. Sorry about the recent lapse in quality, I dunno what's going on with me. -.-"

* * *

><p>Within a half-hour of Amanda's arrival, I was ready to scream. It was one thing to be enthusiastic about having guests, sure, but these guys were <em>the psychos. <em>As in, THE psychos. The ones who were _holding me hostage in my own apartment. _But then, when it comes to Amanda, "not an immediate and serious threat" is basically synonymous with "totally okay to freak out over like a twelve-year-old girl".

"Your roommate seems... enthusiastic," Kakuzu noted, raising an eyebrow as Amanda practically talked poor Itachi's ear off, presumably about ponies.

I sighed. "Yes, she does. Basically, she hasn't changed at all since we were, like, eight." I paused, then added, "Actually, I think she might be worse now."

"So we can expect this behavior the whole time we're here?" I was somewhat happy to notice that Kakuzu looked rather horrified at this prospect. So I _wasn't _the only one! Fortunately, he was a bit off.

"Well, no. You can expect it for... another fifteen minutes or so." He looked at me questioningly, and I explained, "Amanda has a tendency to get even more hyper than usual when she meets someone new. Once she gets used to you guys being here, she'll probably calm down some."

"Ah. For a moment there, I was worried we might effectively have two Tobis running around."

To my relief, I was right. Before long, she stopped running around harassing criminals long enough for me to pull her aside.

"We need to talk," I told her. "The fact is, this is way out-of-hand. We don't have room for these guys, and they refuse to leave."

"Wait," Amanda interrupted. "If there's no room, how have they been staying here?"

"By making people sleep on the floor. I don't know how long they'll put up with this. Heck, or how long I can keep this up!" I shoved my fingers through my bangs, scowling. "I haven't been able to go to work the whole time I've been here. My boss thinks I've just got a bunch of teenagers staying over here."

"Okay, well, that won't be a problem anymore!" Amanda grinned, getting her phone out of her pocket and tapping at it for a few moments before turning the screen toward me and announcing, "See? This summer, we never both have work at the same time."

I examined the screen for a few moments before sighing in relief. "Okay, so they _won't _end up being left alone. But what about space?"

Amanda didn't have an answer for that one. After a few moments of thought, she said, "We'll... think of something. In the mean time, I guess we'll just try to stop them from... I dunno, rioting or whatever."

I sighed again, this time with irritation. "Good. Preventing a riot. That's a _great _alternative to not risking one in the first place. But there's one more thing I need to talk to you about."

Amanda raised her eyebrows, noticing the slight shift in my tone of voice. I glanced around her, checking that none of the others were listening. Fortunately, they were all busy, back to their usual activities.

"Amanda," I said softly, not wanting any of them to overhear, "I don't know what's up with these guys, but there's-"

Before I could say "there's something weird about them", and possibly then, "they seem kind of impossible", I was interrupted.

Specifically, I was interrupted, I lost my train of thought, and I think I nearly got a ruptured eardrum, when Hidan screamed, as if what he was saying was just _so important _that the _whole world _needed to know, "I AM F**KING SICK OF THIS S**T!"

Following the outburst, I would like to say that the whole room went quiet, everyone in shock at Hidan's sudden fury. Except that basically nobody went quiet, because this was Hidan and nobody was surprised.

However, I didn't know about the others, but I did not want to risk Hidan staying too pissed off for too long. I hurriedly told Amanda I would talk to her later, then walked over to Hidan, who was currently ranting about who-knew-what, apparently further angered by the complete non-response to his outburst.

"Okay," I said, stopping beside the couch, where he was leaning over, this forearms crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. "What's the problem now?"

"I just said it; I'm sick of all this."

"I _meant,_" I said slowly, gritting my teeth and resisting the urge to match his earlier volume, "what exactly are you sick of?"

That was when he looked up at me with an expression of utter shock, as if he couldn't imagine that I'd ever give a crap what he was upset about. "_Well?_" I snapped, my face reddening. What, I wasn't allowed to care about the problems of the group of psychos who had attacked me, threatened me, and were now forcing me to let them live in my apartment?

He gave me one last suspicious glance, then finally said, "All of this crap. This tiny, s**tty apartment, having to put up with all _these _bastards all the time, _you..._"

I glared at him. "Okay, that's enough. So basically, you just shouted out to the whole world that you're pissed because of a bunch of crap that nobody here can do anything about."

Hidan shrugged, apparently turning his attention back to the show about kittens that was currently on TV (accidentally flipped to while he and Deidara had been fighting over the remote earlier). "Hey, I had to do something. Sometimes just screaming about all the s**t that's pissing you off can help."

I had almost decided that that kind of made sense, when he turned toward me, with this infuriating smirk on his face, and added, "Besides, I got a chance to annoy you, didn't I? It's not like there's anything better to do around here."

I gaped at him for a moment before turning around and storming away, trying to ignore his snickering behind me. _Bastard. _

Before I could return to telling Amanda exactly what I was worried about here, I was interrupted again – this time as the phone rang. I rolled my eyes and over to answer it, pushing past Tobi on my way. I was starting to think Amanda would never know exactly how _wrong _these guys were.

* * *

><p><em>And... last one. <em>Amanda smiled as she folded the final piece of clothing from her bag, placing it in the small dresser in her room. She glanced over her shoulder, only able to hear snatches of conversation from the entry room. After Christie left to go deal with Hidan's freak-out, Amanda had decided she might as well go deal with her luggage. A few minutes later, the phone had started ringing, and Christie had been on it since.

However, Amanda was still kind of curious about what Christie had been saying earlier. There was _what? _There was something Amanda needed to know? What was it?

For now, however, all she could do was wait.

That was when she heard the slight shift in Christie's tone, and the worried gasp: "Wait, you- you're what?"

Okay, _now _Amanda was paying attention. She stood by the door, listening intently to the conversation. Now, Christie seemed to be trying to cover for her previous alarm.

"No, no, I'm not _mad _about it; why would I be? It's just... uh, well, now might not be the best- NO! It's just that... um. Well, we have some visitors, and- wait, what? No, no, that's okay, you don't- No, you wouldn't like them anyway, they... no, it's not that! They..."

For a few seconds, Christie was silent, while the person on the other end talked. Then, finally, she said, "Okay. I'll... okay. Bye."

After she hung up, there was another long silence. Finally, Christie called, "Amanda, I need to talk to you."

Amanda hurried out of her room, pretending that she had no idea what had just happened - which, in a way, she didn't. "What is it?"

Christie took a deep breath. "I was just on the phone with my mom. She wanted to... well, I tried to stop her, but she..." Finally, Christie stopped for a moment, then said, as if she were announcing the end of the world, "My family's going to come visit. In other words..."

At that moment, Amanda realized what the problem was - and even she could tell this was a problem.

"They're going to see the Akatsuki members."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** And NOW we can get to the story arc I've been waiting for!Actually, I'm considering completely replacing the previous chapter with this one, as chapter five was 1. not really up to par and 2. not super-necessary to the story. What do you guys think?

As usual, please read and review, constructive criticism is welcome, flames are entertaining. See you with the next (hopefully better) chapter!


End file.
